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| SEXUAL FACTS The left testicle usually hangs lower than the right for right-handed men. The opposite is true for lefties. If you were born with no arms your balls should be even. It takes a sperm one hour to swim seven inches. Seventy percent of women would rather have chocolate than sex the remaining women are lesbians that are thin. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. Sex actually relieves headaches...A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain. Or you can just tell the bitch to get out. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression...It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaves you with a feeling of well-being. Unless you think she gave you an STD. There is a town in Newfoundland, Canada called Dildo. I rather get stuck in Dildo than have Dildo get stuck in me. Sex is a beauty treatment...Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth. But if they aren’t fucking you they probably have $200 worth of shampoo and skin treatments in the bathroom. The human brain cannot tell the difference between a sneeze and an orgasm. I can’t wait until flu season. According to the Kinsey Institute, the biggest erect penis on record measures 13 inches. The smallest tops off at 1 3/4 inches. Did you know?... A man will ejaculate approximately 18 quarts of semen, containing half a trillion sperm, in his lifetime. Also known as 300 sock fulls. Semen is the most common body fluid found in hotel rooms. Now that I know this the next common will be my puke. The initial spurt of ejaculate travels at 28 miles per hour. By way of comparison, the world record for the 100 yard dash is 27.1 miles per hour. So if Jackie Joyner Kersey is running from Chicago to Detroit and you are jerking off in New York City. What will get there first? The male fetus is capable of attaining an erection during the last trimester. That’s right mom that wasn’t me kicking. A survey conducted by Masters and Johnson in the early 1980s revealed that the third-most frequent fantasy amongst both homosexual men and women was a heterosexual encounter. I knew I shouldn’t trust the gay friend of my girlfriend. Couples who stare into each other's eyes for more than a minute will end up fighting or having sex according to a US study. Unless one of you have lazy eye then you will just watch Seinfeld. Of the people who die suddenly during sex, 80% are in the act of cheating on their spouses - British Journal of Clinical Practice. They must want to die happy. 35% of men are unhappy with the size of their… you know. The same 35% drive Corvettes or Porches and have a $10,000 watch. The chimpanzee holds the record for the quickest mammal sexual intercourse session at an average of three seconds. See that bitches I’m not the worst. The penguin only has one single orgasm in a year. Same with married men its called their Birthday. The female bedbug has no sexual opening. To get around this small problem, the male uses his curved penis to drill a vagina into the female. I’ve done this before because it was dark and I couldn’t find the hole. The world's greatest lover was King Mongut of Siam. He had 9,000 wives. Before dying of syphilis, he was quoted in saying he only loved the first 700. I guess the other 8,300 was to get back at them. A condom will lasts about a month in a wallet before the rubber gets worn down by friction, making it more likely to break. The record for male orgasms is 16 in one hour. I am not going to even try to “beat” that. According to a 1996 study, homophobic men show a higher arousal rate when shown gay porn than do men with ambivalent attitudes toward homosexuals. So go out and hug a gay guy. Jews and atheists have more sex partners than Catholics or Protestants. Unless you belong to the clergy. The average male member in all its glory is six inches long and five inches in circumference. One in three men cheats on his partner, as opposed to one in four women. Only 28% of female cheaters get caught. The average age for both genders for a first sexual experience is 17. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy! Sex is the safest tranquiliser in the world. It is 10 times more effective than Valium. Ironically only women on valium want to have sex with me. Women are most likely to want to have sex when they are ovulating. 30% of women over the age of 80 still have sexual intercourse either with their spouse or boyfriends. Grounds for Grandpa to divorce Grandma. The first condoms in the US were made from vulcanized rubber in the 1870s. They were expensive and annoyingly thick and meant to be reused. What is expensive, annoyingly thick and meant to be reused the women or the rubbers? Both, I guess. 14% of males said that they did not enjoy sex the first time. They must have been Alter boys. 60% of women say they did not enjoy sex their first time. Those are known to me as the 60% that I never met. Honking of car horns for a couple that just got married is an old superstition to insure great sex. If you are trying to insure great sex why the hell you getting married? Among sexually active adults, lesbians have the lowest incidence of sexually transmitted diseases. But the highest incidents of playing softball. The average bra is designed to last for only 180 days of use. It is also designed to make a man take so much time trying to undo it that the woman has time to think if she really wants to sleep with him. Approximately one out of every two hundred women is born with an extra nipple. Approximately one out of every two hundred women are also viewed as freaks. |